i don't know how to describe it. I wake up every single morning, and the best part of my day is the three seconds when i open my eyes and cannot feel. i fall asleep at night, for a minimal amount of time, but my brain does not. it races around trying to find reasons to smile, trying to find feelings that i don't remember how to feel. these things pollute my dreams, so i can't escape even in my own sleep. i can't help but let the tears escape, because the anger wells up so badly i can't breathe. i can't imagine the feelings some peoples eyes show through when they smile. i'm forever jealous of these people who have been allowed such a gift, but don't realise how powerful and wonderful it is, and how sought after by so many. it makes my eyes well with anger once again.