i've tried. you are the smile.
i've tried to give up.
trust me.
you are love to me.
the devine sweetness that rolls off my tongue tasting ever so sour.
forgive me,
i haven't forgotten.
forget me,
i haven't forgiven.
the wounds haven't healed.
my words stay concealed.
leave me.
take me.
break me.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
you, again.
suck the life out of me. you have before.
you destroyed me, took my breath and my blood and my heart.
ripped through the difference between life and dreaming, and rebuilt a wall of destruction, between my heart and my mind.
just take me, and hang me up.
tie your lies through the hole in my heart, that you left there.
dry my tears with false promise again and again.
kiss the deceit that lingers on my lips.
just use me, until there's nothing left.
cause that means i get to brush your ice cold heart once more.
cause that means i get to hold your roughened hands once more.
cause that means i get to hear your sour words once more.
i would go through a life time of pain, just for one more chance.
but no, sacrifice is irrelivant to you.
so just tear down my hope, my heart, my life.
you have before.
you destroyed me, took my breath and my blood and my heart.
ripped through the difference between life and dreaming, and rebuilt a wall of destruction, between my heart and my mind.
just take me, and hang me up.
tie your lies through the hole in my heart, that you left there.
dry my tears with false promise again and again.
kiss the deceit that lingers on my lips.
just use me, until there's nothing left.
cause that means i get to brush your ice cold heart once more.
cause that means i get to hold your roughened hands once more.
cause that means i get to hear your sour words once more.
i would go through a life time of pain, just for one more chance.
but no, sacrifice is irrelivant to you.
so just tear down my hope, my heart, my life.
you have before.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I hadn't spoken; i hadn't breathed.
i hadn't laughed, smiled, or pretended.
but today i saw you again.
and fuck i hate the way you're the only one who makes me better.
i hate the control you have.
i wish you didn't, but i can't help it.
i wish i could hate you, forget you, leave you forever.
but it still remains.
forever inscribed in this skin of mine.
i hadn't laughed, smiled, or pretended.
but today i saw you again.
and fuck i hate the way you're the only one who makes me better.
i hate the control you have.
i wish you didn't, but i can't help it.
i wish i could hate you, forget you, leave you forever.
but it still remains.
forever inscribed in this skin of mine.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Un-poetic me.
Today i couldn't breathe. i looked at you and decided to imagine that place. my vision was fogged with confusion and i kept my heart in the past.
oh, why can i not forget. memories make the room spin with discontent, as we are now in the present; a gift with a crappy return policy.
I still see the light that was reflected into my eyes. the smile that was returned in an instant.
Your eyes will never read the words that i pour out of my mind. because you simply would not care to realise that when my eyes meet with yours, i look away because i cannot stand to see the eyes that onced loved my mere flaws an imperfections. i look away because i cannot stand to see the smile that once was my doing. i look away because i see the change in you that nobody knows.
you simply would not care to realise that when i see you walking towards me, i go quite shy; something only you can do. i try to ignore the fact your blood runs through your veins so close to mine as you stand there, completly oblivious.
you simply would not care to realise that when i hear your voice, i wince because it reminds me of three words you once verbalised, that will never part your lips towards me ever again.
you simply would not care to realise that i bite my tongue when you say certain things, because sometimes i want to scream so many things right in your face; but what's the point? even if i did, you probably wouldn't hear me.
You simply would not care to realise that you are the most important thing that was ever touch my hands, spoke into my ears, looked into my eyes, or held my broken soul.
You won't realise that i would try to give you my world, give you what ever you wanted just to see your smile.
You won't give me another chance, because in your eyes i don't deserve it.
but tell me something?; answer me some questions?
what did i do wrong? what changed? do you still remember the way we were? do you still have all the same memories? do you remember feelings?words spoken?time taken?
and most importantly; you don't want my heart, so why won't you give it back? cause i kinda need it to live, and all you're doing is bruising it. dropping it. hurting it. crushing it. leaving it out in the rain. leaving it in the cold. whereas, you used to keep it safe. tucked away right next to your own.
i would appreciate if you placed my heart back into my chest; it should be easy seeing as the hole is still there where you ripped it out.
oh, why can i not forget. memories make the room spin with discontent, as we are now in the present; a gift with a crappy return policy.
I still see the light that was reflected into my eyes. the smile that was returned in an instant.
Your eyes will never read the words that i pour out of my mind. because you simply would not care to realise that when my eyes meet with yours, i look away because i cannot stand to see the eyes that onced loved my mere flaws an imperfections. i look away because i cannot stand to see the smile that once was my doing. i look away because i see the change in you that nobody knows.
you simply would not care to realise that when i see you walking towards me, i go quite shy; something only you can do. i try to ignore the fact your blood runs through your veins so close to mine as you stand there, completly oblivious.
you simply would not care to realise that when i hear your voice, i wince because it reminds me of three words you once verbalised, that will never part your lips towards me ever again.
you simply would not care to realise that i bite my tongue when you say certain things, because sometimes i want to scream so many things right in your face; but what's the point? even if i did, you probably wouldn't hear me.
You simply would not care to realise that you are the most important thing that was ever touch my hands, spoke into my ears, looked into my eyes, or held my broken soul.
You won't realise that i would try to give you my world, give you what ever you wanted just to see your smile.
You won't give me another chance, because in your eyes i don't deserve it.
but tell me something?; answer me some questions?
what did i do wrong? what changed? do you still remember the way we were? do you still have all the same memories? do you remember feelings?words spoken?time taken?
and most importantly; you don't want my heart, so why won't you give it back? cause i kinda need it to live, and all you're doing is bruising it. dropping it. hurting it. crushing it. leaving it out in the rain. leaving it in the cold. whereas, you used to keep it safe. tucked away right next to your own.
i would appreciate if you placed my heart back into my chest; it should be easy seeing as the hole is still there where you ripped it out.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
yes
Fucking stop feeding me your narrow minded bullshit, because it tastes like shit and im sick to death of your pointless fucked up thoughts about me, when you don't even know me. You take one look and you think you have me figured out. You think from looking at me you know who I am. You can't see inside my mind. 'Beauty' is the most fucked up thing on this planet. But I'm NOT sorry that I don't have ribs that stick out and a flat chest and a small ass. Your idealistic veiws on the world are fucked. So don't bother, if you're just going to abuse me. I can't be bothered anymore. I know who I am in this world, and if you don't want to know me, that's fine, just don't waste your time trying to get to me.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Don't fucking steal this.
so what were you aiming to acheive? do you want me to hurt? do you want me to bleed? do you want me to close my eyes and pretend that i can't see? cause i don't know what you want from me, but i can't wait around forever.
love just blinds me to every single flaw. i just miss the safe feeling you once gave me.
so wrap me in your arms again, one last time. just one more time. just one last night.
you hold my life in the palm of your hands,
you drop it every single day.
i thought you'd pass it back but you have much more fun loosing it, loosing it.
in the blink of an eye,
you'd watch me lay here to die
i'd be out of your way, out of your way.
and i'd leave you alone, but you'd keep rubbing it in, in, into my wounds.
and i'd turn away, only to find you'd thrown a knife in my side.
love just blinds me to every single word. i just miss the way you said every word.
so whisper in my ear again, one last time. just one more time. one last night.
you hold my heart in the palm of your hands,
you drop it every single day.
i thought you'd pass it back but you have much more fun loosing it, loosing it.
and in a night of need,
you'd watch me lay here to bleed,
i'd be out of your way, out of your way.
so whisper in my ear again, one last time.
so take me in your arms, one last time.
so lie to my face, one last time.
just tel me you love me, one last time.
love just blinds me to every single flaw. i just miss the safe feeling you once gave me.
so wrap me in your arms again, one last time. just one more time. just one last night.
you hold my life in the palm of your hands,
you drop it every single day.
i thought you'd pass it back but you have much more fun loosing it, loosing it.
in the blink of an eye,
you'd watch me lay here to die
i'd be out of your way, out of your way.
and i'd leave you alone, but you'd keep rubbing it in, in, into my wounds.
and i'd turn away, only to find you'd thrown a knife in my side.
love just blinds me to every single word. i just miss the way you said every word.
so whisper in my ear again, one last time. just one more time. one last night.
you hold my heart in the palm of your hands,
you drop it every single day.
i thought you'd pass it back but you have much more fun loosing it, loosing it.
and in a night of need,
you'd watch me lay here to bleed,
i'd be out of your way, out of your way.
so whisper in my ear again, one last time.
so take me in your arms, one last time.
so lie to my face, one last time.
just tel me you love me, one last time.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
this is what you did to me
I can't face it. so why not ignore it? cause i can't. try you say? you put yourself on this point and see if the edge cuts you in half. i don't know how, but i still face this ugly truth. i am trying to be strong, masking what utterly takes over, consuming everything around me, swallowing my smile and my footsteps, unable to keep moving and pretending anymore.
take a breath. a thought. a day off. a week alone. but even whilst i'm alone, it still clouds my everything, like an angry storm. it begins to rain. i yell and scream at the sky but this makes no difference. infact, it makes the rain pour harder, angrier, full of revenge. i let it take me eventually. i lay down and close myself from reality. the rain pouring like nails onto my skin seem so distant. i let myself float from the ground and dream. somewhere far far away i hear my mother's cries. i feel my father's arms scooping me up. my mother's soft voice is now cooing to me.
enclosed into safety with a blanket of lies and false promise, they tell me more bullshit, that trashes my mind with more races to begin at night when i'm trying to shut off. they tell me you were here. they tell me a message, that you whispered in my ear that i was going to be okay, that we were going to be okay.
next i'm cold on the bathroom floor. but the cold is not unsettling, it's comforting. as i drag along, this sense of warmth floods my body. my memories swim across my eyes. not memories of my first steps, or my first day at school. not my first birthday, my first swimming lesson, or the first time i rode my bicycle without training wheels. not even my first party, my first kiss, my first day of highschool.
no..the memories that swim across my eyes are the times you held me when i cried. the times we talked aimlessly; not knowing. the times we kissed so countlessly, loosing time forever. the times i cuddled up to you with the wind and rain roaring outside and you'd whisper in my ear that you loved me before you drifted into oblivion.
see, all your first's may matter, but not nearly as much as your first love; the first time you've been in love, shared and made promises to somebody that you knew you could keep.as i lay there, watching the motion picture of my life set out upon me, i realised. you were my life, thus i was nothing to you.i let go of these weak and slow breaths, let memories fade into white light, let go of this supposedly beautiful earth, which turned it's back on me, knowing one thing; you were almost the death of me
take a breath. a thought. a day off. a week alone. but even whilst i'm alone, it still clouds my everything, like an angry storm. it begins to rain. i yell and scream at the sky but this makes no difference. infact, it makes the rain pour harder, angrier, full of revenge. i let it take me eventually. i lay down and close myself from reality. the rain pouring like nails onto my skin seem so distant. i let myself float from the ground and dream. somewhere far far away i hear my mother's cries. i feel my father's arms scooping me up. my mother's soft voice is now cooing to me.
enclosed into safety with a blanket of lies and false promise, they tell me more bullshit, that trashes my mind with more races to begin at night when i'm trying to shut off. they tell me you were here. they tell me a message, that you whispered in my ear that i was going to be okay, that we were going to be okay.
next i'm cold on the bathroom floor. but the cold is not unsettling, it's comforting. as i drag along, this sense of warmth floods my body. my memories swim across my eyes. not memories of my first steps, or my first day at school. not my first birthday, my first swimming lesson, or the first time i rode my bicycle without training wheels. not even my first party, my first kiss, my first day of highschool.
no..the memories that swim across my eyes are the times you held me when i cried. the times we talked aimlessly; not knowing. the times we kissed so countlessly, loosing time forever. the times i cuddled up to you with the wind and rain roaring outside and you'd whisper in my ear that you loved me before you drifted into oblivion.
see, all your first's may matter, but not nearly as much as your first love; the first time you've been in love, shared and made promises to somebody that you knew you could keep.as i lay there, watching the motion picture of my life set out upon me, i realised. you were my life, thus i was nothing to you.i let go of these weak and slow breaths, let memories fade into white light, let go of this supposedly beautiful earth, which turned it's back on me, knowing one thing; you were almost the death of me
Hard to believe right?
He turned to me and said, you have the most beautiful smile; i love the way your fears shine in your eyes as smoke whispers out of your lips; i love the way you can see a spark of happiness on your face, even on the darkest days; i love the way you try to smile when something is stealing your smile; i love the way you let that one person walk all over you despite everthing because it shows your true loyalty; i love the way you bite your lip when you have a million things to say and you try to stop them rushing out in a blur of emotion; i love the way when you tears roll down you cheeks, you still say you're okay because you trying to be strong; i love the way how when you cuddle up to me and sigh, you breath dances across my neck and gives me shivers; i love the way when i wake up to you sleeping, you look so broken, yet peaceful; i love the way you've picked yourself up and kept going, even though i can hear your heart breaking. to be quite simple, he said, i utterly love every little imperfection. he breathed and look into my eyes and spoke right from his heart, saying, for it is not your beauty that shines from the inside out, your smile that take the breath out of me, the way you make my soul dance with laughter, the way you make me smile with the cute little things you do, like trying to hide from me in the morning because you are convinced you are hideous upon wakening, or not the way that you are like no other, you are yourself. not the way you are down to earth, caring and the most loving person i've ever known. it is your web of imperfections that i love and adore. because that is what makes you so god damn beautiful.
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