People are never how they first appear. Infact, people are like cocoons. when you first meet them, they appear whole, but eventually they morph and grow into something that is unidentifiable to what they first appeared. I have watch everyone and everything around me change.
The people I stood up for, the people i gave my all to; the people who consumed my entire life have all changed. they are all slowly fading into the rush of everyday, ordinary people. Exception of a few. There's this one in particular. I used to think the world of them. They still have my entire heart, but everyday they slowly fade. they're changing, and I don't like it. but in all reality, what is my part in their life anymore? your smile is un-recognisable. However, you are still beautiful. and no matter if I try with all my might, I blind myself to what is inside you. because i refuse to fold to the truth. I want to live in my world. A world which i wish so dearly you were still a part of.
I know you don't wish you were. but i miss you like hell. i miss the old you. and yes, i admit to change also.I wish to be treated as an equal. I'm sick of people looking down their noses at me. I'm sick of judgement. You cannot see into my mind, and little of it that I do display, is often not what you may think of it.I crave something more. some kind of self acceptance. and intervention? perhaps i will awake some day and discover a part of me i've been looking for all these years. I am blessed with the gift of youth. i still have so many years awaiting me. hopefully, i will waste no more time. or very little, trying to discover that part of me. and some strength.You walk on with your life. glancing at people who pass. but really, where is your destination? and are these people who pass, the ones who you turn a blind eye to, people who could have really changed your life? people whoo could have MADE your life. people who could BE your life? yet, you let them slip through your fingers. now you'll never know.i miss so many things. really, this is just a vent. that makes no sense.
and honey, I don't miss the kisses as much as I miss smiling. ♥
The blog will speak to anyone who reads it - it's definately spoken to me. What you describe is, inevitably, what many of us as humans will feel/have felt (or something similar). All because we are beings who feel, therefore we are put through such torture. I find myself asking ... why? Is there even a purpose when we feel there isn't one? Will we ever know?
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